You can only control what you can control

One of the hardest lessons for me to accept lately is that you can only control what you can control. What does that even mean?

Have you ever gotten into an argument with a friend or family member? During that argument, were you frustrated that you couldn’t get the other person to see your point of view? Did you keep trying to change their mind and despite your best efforts, they remain unchanged? 

Or, how about trying to meet a deadline at work. You work and you work, spending perhaps more hours than you want on a specific task or project, but at the end of it all you still have to meet the deadline and there is no way to change it!

These are things that are out of your control. They’re unyielding and sometimes can really stress you out. 

But how do you let go? How do you accept what is or is not enough to focu on one thing and keep moving forward? This is one of the areas I help my people with. I help them to identify what they can and can’t control, and take action from there. It is not always easy, but sometimes all it akes is someone to give you a different perspective to help you gain some momentum. 

Is there something you wish you could control but it’s not working out too well for you? Reach out to me, and let’s see if we can uncover what is truly within your control.

Lean in when times are tough!

One of the many lessons of life that I have been working really hard at, is leaning in when times get tough. But what does that mean exactly?

For each person, it is going to be slightly different. For me it is pushing through to get done what I need to. This is something I help my clients with. And myself. It is easy to shy away from something when it becomes difficult. We naturally do it all the time. Maybe there is a test you are preparing to take, but you slack off on studying a little bit. Maybe there is a conversation you need to have with someone, but you know it is not going to be an easy one. Or perhaps there is a goal you are trying to achieve, but you know the work do get it done is challenging. So what do you do? You lean in to make it happen. 

This is what I have started to work with many people on. Helping them navigate the field to accomplish what they have their sights on. It’s not always easy, but when you lean in, you are at least making progress.

What are the areas you are trying to tackle and could use some help leaning in to? I’d love to hear about it.

 

Be thankful for what you have, empathize with those who have less

 

I was talking with a longtime friend not too long ago, and hearing all of the hurdles they have had to overcome over the past many years, and I was just in shock of all they had to go through. It was like one of those crazy stories you hear on a documentary, and I just couldn’t fathom all they have had to endure. What made it even harder to accept, was that this was someone I know. Not just a name on a show or in a book. Someone I actually knew, grew up with, hung out with, shared wonderful moments with. After hearing their story, I was reminded that I need to be thankful for everything I have. Sure, the past couple of years have been hard for me, but nothing compared to what they had to go through. They quite literally lost everything. 

I wanted to take this moment to remind you to be thankful for what you have. I know life can be hard sometimes, and you might be at rock bottom, but there is always a glimmer of light to look for if you just take a moment. I firmly believe that life has a plan for us all. The signs may not be clear, and the timeline not truly defined, but deep down, there is a map guiding us along the way. We just have to be willing to let faith guide us, approach each opportunity with trust and understanding, and hope that we will choose the right path. Sometimes, we may choose the wrong path. But if we are patient and clear our mind of negativity, guilt, doubt, disbelief, anger, and so on, we will be steered toward the right path again. 

I also want you to remember to show compassion and empathy for those who have fallen on hard times and are struggling to get back on their feet. We may not know their story, the demons that haunt them, or the circumstances that led to their decline. We don’t know if their decline was of their own doing or an outside force. All we can do is help support them the best that we can and help to raise them up. 

Do you have someone in your life that has fallen on hard times? Have you yourself fallen on hard times? Did you or they have someone to talk to? I hope so. If not, I’m here for you to hear your story and help you out in any way I can. I may not have all the answers, but I can help you pull yourself back up. Together, we rise!

How do you shift from self doubt to confidence?

 

Self-doubt can be one of the biggest obstacles to overcome throughout your life. More often than not, it shows up when you least want it to. So how do you overcome that?

The best thing you can do is remind yourself of all the things you have been able to go through to become confident in whatever you are trying to achieve. This is something I have been revisiting a lot over the past month, especially with searching for my next career path. Searching all the job boards has been a huge indicator of that. As I have been searching for my next opportunity, I have learned that the dynamics of what I know have changed, along with how they are described and what employers are looking for. I had to re-evaluate my resume, compare it to what employers are looking for, and learn how what I know can translate to what is being looked for. Digging into what I have learned over the past several years, helped me realize that I am qualified for some of the roles I thought I may not be. As I go through these steps, I adjust my resume accordingly and keep putting it out there. 

Now, I’m not saying the results will change overnight, but at least I am learning that I am capable of the next level. I just need to find the right company or person that sees that as well and awards me the opportunity to live up to that potential. I’m willing to bet that is true for you too.

I challenge you. The next time you doubt your abilities for a new opportunity, think about all you have done in the past to prepare yourself for that, and see if you are more capable than you realize. I’m willing to bet that you are ready!

Stuck with your plan? Try reverse engineering it!

 

It’s the middle of the night; you can’t sleep and this great idea pops in your head. You see the end result, what it’s going to do for you, your family, or your employees, but you can’t seem to formulate a plan. You're stuck trying to figure out what the first step will even be, and you are just completely stuck. Try planning it out in reverse. 

Sometimes when you start with the end in mind and work backwards, you can paint an easier picture. For example, let's say you want to plan an outing, but you need to be back home by 6pm. Well, you may want to figure out where you want to go first. Next, how long will it take you to get there. If it takes 1.5 hours, you know you need to leave no later than 4:30. Let’s say 4:00 to help avoid any unforeseen circumstances. Maybe you want to spend all day out, so you will need to figure out lunch. Say you go with the typical lunch time of 12:00. So, you know you need to be where you can get food or bring food with you. If you are bringing food with you, will you have to keep it cold? If you are having lunch around noon, when should you have breakfast, so you don’t get too hungry too early? Are you going to eat on the go or before you head out for the day? If it takes 1.5 hours to get to where you want, what time do you want to leave to have the most time there? 

I know, this is a simple example, but you can see, by starting with the end in mind, you can start to think about everything else you will need to do to have a successful day. The same approach can be taken with many things in your life. That promotion or raise you want, a new career path, planning a date with a friend or loved one, and so on. If you're stuck trying to create a plan, try working it backwards. It may make it easier for you and help you not miss steps along the way. Hopefully, you won't have to throw away the plan if it goes off the rails! 

We Gotta Test All The Things To See What Works!

 

Have you ever tried to do something new and it didn’t quite work out the way you wanted? Did you quit after that first attempt, or did you try something different? And on that next attempt, if it dodn’t work again, did you quit or try something different?

The reason I ask this is that sometimes, we quit before we get it right. That’s because at some point in our lives, we may have been taught to believe that failure is the end all be all. But that’s not true. Just because we fail at something, doesn’t mean you quit. You just have to find another way.

I’m sure at some point you have heard some version of the quote from Thomas Edison, “I have not failed, I just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” This is so profound, and I think that it is a lesson that we should have been taught years ago. I know I was in my 30’s before I ever heard it.

Here's the thing. You have to test all the things to see what works. Sure, there may have been someone that did it first and it worked for them. But we are all different. What works for me will not work for you. And what works for you will not work for the next person. So you have to try them all out, or at least as many as you can, until you find what works for YOU! And that applies to just about everything. Your nutrition, exercise, completing tasks at work, building a strong healthy relationship with your family, and so on. 

So, the next time you are trying to complete something, and it is not coming out the way you want, did you try a different way? Then another, and another? Did you quit, or keep working at it until you found what worked for you? Think about it, and if you are comfortable, share something that took you a few tries to figure out. I’d be curious to know what it took for you!

You Manifest what you focus on

 

How many of you have heard or seen that exercise where your told to look for something, say a book, car something tangible, and then you're told to look for something red, and then all you see are all the things within view that are red? I’m willing to bet that you have gone through this once in your life. Did you ever start to think about what you focus on becomes reality?

One of the lessons I share with many of my clients is that what you focus on, you will manifest. Personally, I have found this to be very true. For positive and negative events in our lives. What is truly challenging is many of us have a tendency to focus on the negative things going on in our lives versus the positive ones. Then what happens? More negative stuff happens. A couple years ago, this was very true for me, It felt like every month, something bad would happen. I would stew over it for hours, then another negative event would happen, and another, and another. It got to the point where I would start to ask myself, what is going to knock me down next. Guess what, the cycle continued. I think I went through pretty much every hardship imaginable and of course hit rock bottom. 

But then I started to try and find the good things going on in my life. At first it started off simple. I had a roof over my head, a bed to sleep on and food in my belly. Then I expanded. I had a job, I had a car, I was still mobile enough to walk and exercise. I had friends and family that cared about me. And guess what. Things started to get better. 

The mind is a powerful thing. If you focus on what is going good for you, then your mind will try to find more of those things. This will provide more opportunity, more growth, and hopefully, more peace of mind. 

So, I challenge you. If time seems tough right now, reflect on what is going well for you at the moment. Then find more of that. Will greatness happen overnight? I can’t promise that. It takes time and it is different for everyone. But, if you start to focus on positive opportunities, you will have more positive opportunities. 

Build Internal Momentum to Achieve External Momentum

 

Have you ever heard that in order to achieve external momentum, you have to create internal momentum? You’re probably like, what the hell is he talking about. 

The other day in my master class, we were talking about momentum. How do you get it, how do you keep it going, etc. What we captured was in order to maintain and keep it going, you need to build it up first. But how do you do that? Well, it depends on what you are trying to achieve. 

It’s kind of like pushing a car. From a stop, it is really difficult, right! You gotta put in a lot of force, really dig in, and slowly it will start to move. The more you lean into it, put more muscle behind it, the more it will start to move. Eventually, it will start gaining speed and the next thing you know, you have momentum. At this point, little effort is needed to keep it going. 

Well, let’s say you are trying to reconnect with a family member that you have not spoken with in a long time. At first, it may take several short conversations to get things going. Then a few more, and a few more. Eventually, the conversations will become easier, and longer, and hopefully, if all is going well, in time you have re-kindled that relationship. But, you had to start that momentum within you right? So what can you do in this situation? 

Start with talking with someone you already have a good relationship with. Then, start talking with someone that your relationship is a little more sporadic. Then another, and another, then talk with that long lost relative. You see, you started by gettingyourself in the right state of mind to start having conversations, then another, and another until you built up that internal momentum. Now that you have done that, you can more easily have those other conversations with those you haven’t spoken to in a while!

Does that make sense? How could you apply this principle into another area of your life?

 

Today I want to share with you the freedom of choice in conjunction with momentum. You see, when you build momentum, it can fuel you to make better choices. For the past year, I have been working hard on regaining my health and fitness. I have also been working on my mental health, becoming the best version of me. Not only for myself, but for those around me. Because I have been consistent with both, it is much easier to choose actions that are better for me than others. 

As an example, I am traveling this week. I could have easily hunkered down in my hotel room and did nothing. But knowing that I have been very sedentary all day, I made the choice to seek out if the hotel had a fitness center. I was happy to learn that they did. Not only the usual treadmill, elliptical, and bike, but a bench and free weights as well. So, I was able to get a total body workout in and walk for 20 minutes on the treadmill. It actually felt really good to move and lift after a long day of sitting. What made it easier though, is I have created a habit. They say it takes on average 66 days to form a new behavior. Some behaviors could take longer than others. But if consistent, it can happen. I have well over 66 days now, and one the days when I do nothing, I actually miss it. 

So here is my challenge for you. If there is something you are aiming to achieve and create a new behavior, look at a calendar, plan it out, and stick to it as best as you can. Each day you are successful, you are that much close to creating a new habit, which will give you the momentum to keep moving forward. 

What is something you will implement in the near future to give you momentum?

 

Yesterday I talked about reframing issues that you can’t seem to navigate through, into opportunities for action and growth. Today I have another small pearl of wisdom for you that is along the same lines. 

How do you take a problem that you are dealing with, and come up with a solution? Well, it’s not as difficult as you think. One way to do this, is to take that problem, and turn it into a question. For instance, let's say you are struggling to find that next big opportunity. Maybe it is a promotion or project at work, a new car, or a fitness goal. Rather than saying, I am not finding the right projects at work that bring me joy, ask, what are all the projects I could work on or create that would reignite that spark and bring me joy? Or I just can’t seem to find the car I want. Instead, ask yourself, what are the types of cars I would like? 

You may think it is kind of silly, but when you ask these questions to yourself, it opens the doors for more opportunities to present themselves. Your brain naturally starts looking for opportunities or solutions, as opposed to being just stuck and staying where you are at. Does that make sense?

If you are stuck with something right now, rather than accepting that fate, turn it into a question and see what other opportunities come out for you. I bet you will be pleasantly surprised.